hi.
It's me again. it has been a while since my last entry and i bet those who have tried hasn't seen any changes. Okay, but my life has once again been twirl and spurn into confusion. Ever since i met up with her again, i felt this sense of longing once again and wanting to be. . . sigh
I'm losing all faith. She's the kind of girl which can make you believe in a God and now when a spanner is thrown into the works i'm beginning to deny the existance of one. If there is a God how can all this happen to me? My heart can only take so much beating and it feels like its been pierced through a hundred times, bleeding to the core, every second a drop and every hour pain and the days and weeks seem to stretch for all their worth. God save my eternal soul which is being engulfed in unrequitted love and hopeless longing and passion for someone. . . someone who does not love me
She says she doesn't mind trying again. Just that she cannot commit due to heavy workload. She cannot see me every week or talk to me everyday, which i'm fine with. So i presume that her cannot commit = the two reasons which i understand. But i feel treated otherwise. . . not appreciated for the things i do.Though i'm a man i'm still human and have feelings. . . some times under every hard shell is someone who wants to be loved and appreciated.
Okay... maybe i imagined it all from the start... like one month ago? gosh... haven't really been smiling since
yea i know, university girls have more choices etc and we army guys just hope that things work out right? Hmm... guess there definitely are ppl chasing her cos she's an attractive girl with a personality that draws ppl to her like bees to honey. Oh well, maybe there's a new kid on the block ( so who's kenny really? your teddy bear ?! also referring to? ) sigh [ It's times like this when you wonder, where is God when you need him?] > 'Footprints' if you have read is when he carries you through the tough times... SoooOOooo.. . . . . . . . . sigh
Anyways i'm also quite affected by many recent breakups. My best bud in OCS broke up with his gf last sunday along with another platoon mate. Everyone is so worried for them. I saw their gfs during social night and that was only about a month ago... sigh how fickle girls can be
SO my best bud he's acting strong. But i know he's tearing apart inside, becos i KNOW that feeling. It sucks i tell ya. Jo was a nice girl but claimed she didn't have time for him, and i think thats way bullshit becos time can always be created if you really wanted. She loved him, but not enough ( as in my case?) sigh =/
If i could, i'll just walk away and bring along those wonderful memories that we shared and never look back. However i fail time and again becos i realised that i never could/did let go. No matter what i tired, deep in the recesses of my heart there burns a flame. . . a flame. . a flame so strong that it'll melt anything which tried to contain it but alas fall to the mercy of unrequitted love when it can only burn bright enough to illuminate hope and discovery but not enough to light up my heart and soul.
I know i'm silly and dumb. Sigh NO one captured my heart so badly before. FOrget about the past 2-3 times that things didn't work out, i've forgiven and forgotten. But if this time she really doesn't want me then let me go, so that with a crushed heart i can go in peace and never come near that someone who can inflict more than mortal wounds and hurt my soul. If she wants me then God, pls let me treated as someone in love and not some pet when the owner only has time then she'll play with.
I'm TiReD... both physically and emotionally. For one i'm having problems in camp, inconsiderate bunkmate of mine keeps waking me up an hour earlier and emotionally i'm drained. I've been giving and giving, no matter how tired i am, i'll still give a call to ask hows things and just be a listener but i guess the gesture is never appreciated. It's the simple things that add up the differences.
9/10 ppl tell me i'm crazy and i'm dumb etc being taken for a ride... everyone who knows says i shouldnt even want to go back. But the one big vote is with me and i'm that 1/10 that veto it all. Still my faith is being shaken, maybe she's the girl of my dreams yet i'm not the man for her.
S.O.S. pls God give me strength in my time of need. pray too for her exams that she'll get the grades that she so deserves.
It's me again. it has been a while since my last entry and i bet those who have tried hasn't seen any changes. Okay, but my life has once again been twirl and spurn into confusion. Ever since i met up with her again, i felt this sense of longing once again and wanting to be. . . sigh
I'm losing all faith. She's the kind of girl which can make you believe in a God and now when a spanner is thrown into the works i'm beginning to deny the existance of one. If there is a God how can all this happen to me? My heart can only take so much beating and it feels like its been pierced through a hundred times, bleeding to the core, every second a drop and every hour pain and the days and weeks seem to stretch for all their worth. God save my eternal soul which is being engulfed in unrequitted love and hopeless longing and passion for someone. . . someone who does not love me
She says she doesn't mind trying again. Just that she cannot commit due to heavy workload. She cannot see me every week or talk to me everyday, which i'm fine with. So i presume that her cannot commit = the two reasons which i understand. But i feel treated otherwise. . . not appreciated for the things i do.Though i'm a man i'm still human and have feelings. . . some times under every hard shell is someone who wants to be loved and appreciated.
Okay... maybe i imagined it all from the start... like one month ago? gosh... haven't really been smiling since
yea i know, university girls have more choices etc and we army guys just hope that things work out right? Hmm... guess there definitely are ppl chasing her cos she's an attractive girl with a personality that draws ppl to her like bees to honey. Oh well, maybe there's a new kid on the block ( so who's kenny really? your teddy bear ?! also referring to? ) sigh [ It's times like this when you wonder, where is God when you need him?] > 'Footprints' if you have read is when he carries you through the tough times... SoooOOooo.. . . . . . . . . sigh
Anyways i'm also quite affected by many recent breakups. My best bud in OCS broke up with his gf last sunday along with another platoon mate. Everyone is so worried for them. I saw their gfs during social night and that was only about a month ago... sigh how fickle girls can be
SO my best bud he's acting strong. But i know he's tearing apart inside, becos i KNOW that feeling. It sucks i tell ya. Jo was a nice girl but claimed she didn't have time for him, and i think thats way bullshit becos time can always be created if you really wanted. She loved him, but not enough ( as in my case?) sigh =/
If i could, i'll just walk away and bring along those wonderful memories that we shared and never look back. However i fail time and again becos i realised that i never could/did let go. No matter what i tired, deep in the recesses of my heart there burns a flame. . . a flame. . a flame so strong that it'll melt anything which tried to contain it but alas fall to the mercy of unrequitted love when it can only burn bright enough to illuminate hope and discovery but not enough to light up my heart and soul.
I know i'm silly and dumb. Sigh NO one captured my heart so badly before. FOrget about the past 2-3 times that things didn't work out, i've forgiven and forgotten. But if this time she really doesn't want me then let me go, so that with a crushed heart i can go in peace and never come near that someone who can inflict more than mortal wounds and hurt my soul. If she wants me then God, pls let me treated as someone in love and not some pet when the owner only has time then she'll play with.
I'm TiReD... both physically and emotionally. For one i'm having problems in camp, inconsiderate bunkmate of mine keeps waking me up an hour earlier and emotionally i'm drained. I've been giving and giving, no matter how tired i am, i'll still give a call to ask hows things and just be a listener but i guess the gesture is never appreciated. It's the simple things that add up the differences.
9/10 ppl tell me i'm crazy and i'm dumb etc being taken for a ride... everyone who knows says i shouldnt even want to go back. But the one big vote is with me and i'm that 1/10 that veto it all. Still my faith is being shaken, maybe she's the girl of my dreams yet i'm not the man for her.
S.O.S. pls God give me strength in my time of need. pray too for her exams that she'll get the grades that she so deserves.
posted by Mark at 12:56 PM
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